The Third Side – Beyond Us vs. Them: How to Resolve Conflict Without Taking Sides
The Workplace Problem: When Conflict Becomes a Battle, Everyone Loses
Workplace conflicts often turn into "us vs. them" standoffs, where each side digs in and refuses to budge. Leaders and HR professionals struggle to mediate, employees feel unheard, and small disagreements escalate into long-term resentment.
But what if resolving conflict isn’t about picking sides—but expanding the conversation?
What This Book is About
In The Third Side, William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes, offers a groundbreaking approach to conflict resolution that shifts the focus from winners and losers to finding a shared path forward.
Drawing from his experience as an international negotiator, Ury explains how every conflict has more than two sides—and that by stepping back, we can uncover solutions that work for everyone.
Key Takeaways for HR and Workplace Leaders
Most Conflicts Are Not About Right vs. Wrong – Workplace disputes often stem from competing needs, misunderstandings, or fear, rather than actual moral disagreements.
The Third Side = Expanding the Circle – Instead of framing conflict as "A vs. B," involve neutral voices (HR, facilitators, or leadership) who can offer fresh perspectives.
Move from Positions to Interests – People often argue for what they want, but understanding why they want it leads to better, lasting solutions.
The Power of the Uninvolved Majority – In most conflicts, the silent majority—employees, peers, and bystanders—hold the greatest influence in shaping outcomes.
Prevention is Easier Than Resolution – The best way to handle workplace conflict is to create structures that prevent it from escalating in the first place.
Workplace Tools and Models from the Book
The 10 Roles of the Third Side: Different ways leaders, HR professionals, and employees can facilitate resolution:
Mediator – Helps both sides reach an agreement.
Bridge-Builder – Strengthens communication between groups.
Witness – Observes and holds parties accountable.
Healer – Helps teams recover after a dispute.
Arbiter – Ensures fair decisions are made.
Teacher – Educates employees on conflict resolution.
Provider – Ensures basic needs are met, reducing tension.
Peacekeeper – Sets expectations for workplace behavior.
Referee – Enforces company policies fairly.
Leader – Sets the tone for conflict resolution.
The Third Side Conversation Framework – A step-by-step process for shifting conflicts from confrontation to collaboration.
The "Go to the Balcony" Technique – A strategy for stepping back emotionally to gain clarity before reacting in a dispute.
Why This Matters for HR and Workplace Leaders
HR professionals and executives are often called upon to resolve conflicts between employees, teams, and leadership. The Third Side provides strategies to:
✔ Help HR act as a neutral facilitator instead of just an enforcer.
✔ Improve team collaboration by reframing disputes.
✔ Strengthen problem-solving skills across all levels of the organization.
✔ Prevent small conflicts from escalating into workplace crises.
How This Connects to Workplace Assessments and Restorations
Many workplace assessments reveal patterns of poor conflict management, such as:
Employees feeling unheard or unfairly treated.
Disputes dragging on because no one takes a neutral stance.
Lack of trust in HR or leadership to handle issues fairly.
By applying The Third Side principles, HR leaders can create a conflict-resolution culture that values fairness, collaboration, and long-term solutions.
How Can You Apply This?
➡️ Are workplace conflicts turning into unproductive standoffs?
➡️ Do employees feel like HR is just another “side” rather than a facilitator?
Expanding the conversation beyond two sides can transform conflict from a battle into a solution-building process.
Where to Buy
Interested in reading The Third Side? You can purchase it here:
📚 Amazon
📚 William Ury’s Official Site
